Thursday, September 22, 2005

This much I don't Know

If Nandor Tanczos doesn't make it in to parliament on special votes who will be Attorney-General?

Why is it when Epsom voters practice vote-splitting it's because "they are a well-educated politically savvy electorate" but when Maori voters do the same thing it's "revealing a divided electorate sending a strong message to the Labour government"?

Has there ever been a man more triumphant after losing 80% of his party vote than Rodney Hide?

Has there ever been a party leader who hasn't been sacked after losing 80% of the party vote?

For a man that is so vocally anti-methamphetamine why is Peter Dunne behaving like he smokes it?

Is there a sexier leadership ticket than John Key/Katherine Rich anywhere in the world?

In the interests of "democracy" and "one-law-for-all" will the electorates of Epsom, Wigram and Ohariu-Belmont be abolished?

Apart from the usual suspects isn't it great that after such a close election result nobody is suggesting "voter fraud"?

Monday, September 19, 2005

Greenophobia

I feel a tad sorry for the Green Party, after dutifully serving as the canary in the mine for Labour for much of this election campaign, reality suggests they could be shut out of government altogether to placate NZ First or United. Although depending on how the special votes fall that could change.
Consequently at this stage no party has ruled out working with anyone, except Peter Dunne who seems to have a chronic case of greenophobia and fails to realise he has only 3 seats as opposed to Winston's 7. To rule out supporting a government that involves the Greens before negotiations have even started is foolish, working with the Greens may not be practical but to rule them out this early weakens United Future's position considerably. Even the Maori Party haven't ruled out the idea of supporting National even though that is as likely as Bob the Bumbler Clarkson being the next Governor-General.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Hello Pot Meet Mr Kettle

Rupert Murdoch says Tony Blair complained to him about supposed 'biased' coverage of the Katrina disaster by the BBC.
What the hell?
You're bitching about 'slanted' media coverage to the guy that is responsible for Fox News??
Bill Clinton also backed Blair's claim saying the coverage was "stacked up" against Bush Jr. Perhaps the fact Dubya chose to stay on holiday while a major city sank into chaos may have been responsible for that 'slant', even presenters from Fox News were savaging him after the hurricane hit.
In related Clinton news what is he really thinking in this picture?
Our guess - "I wonder if my dick fits in her ear"

Thursday, September 15, 2005

The Politics of Hate

If there's a prevalent smell in this election campaign it's been the stench of hate and envy, but with so many different people to hate things can easily get confusing. Well, threepointurn has the solution for the haters among us -
Our easy to follow "hate and vote" card - simply find the societal grouping that you blame most for NZ's problems then vote for the party that we've picked as doing the best job of "hating on" that group. We suggest printing the card out to take with you on polling day if you happen to suffer sudden memory loss.

For Whom the Ball Tolls

I didn't realise that when Don Brash suggested the addition of a 'pakeha' element to powhiri, "a pale-skinned semi-naked male poking his tongue out - leaping around in mock battle" that this is what he meant.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Florida '00 = Tauranga '05 ??

A Nation enjoys strong economic growth after two terms of a centre-left 'third-way' administration. In a strongly partisan election a strong challenger emerges from the right, a 'CEO-Politician' renowned for making political blunders and not having the best relationship with the spoken word. In one of the closest elections in living memory, the party of the right recieves less votes but wins the race and it all comes down to the disputed results in a region popular for it's sunshine and retirement living.

Or to put it simply -
Indecision 2005 - The Clusterfuck Scenario
Winston Peters loses Tauranga, NZ First gets 4.9%. Labour/Green - National/United evenly split the vote.
Legal proceedings over Bob Clarkson's campaign expenses begin, proceeding all the way to the Supreme Court.
The country waits for Winston yet again...

Just putting it out there....

Bob the Fondler

For anyone who's met Bob Clarkson, the "sexual harrassment" allegations are easy to believe, whether the harrassment was blokish stupidity or a hint of something more sinister is another story. But really, grabbing your crotch in the direction of a female TV3 journalist isn't likely to help your case.
I doubt the claims will harm Clarkson's chances this late in the piece but it's yet another example of why National trails Labour by over 10% amongst women. Mr Clarkson should prove be a strong challenger to Brian Connell for the title of craziest Tory MP in the upcoming parliament.

Monday, September 12, 2005

RetardedmediabeatupGate

Is it over yet?
Less than a week out from a supposed cliffhanger election and it's gone cold on me.
In fact I'm so sick of this crap I think I'm going to endorse Winston Peters.
He's a man after my own heart, his vision for the next three years is to sit at the back of parliament, make wisecracks and give Margaret Wilson shit. Sure, 90% of his policies are morally repugnant to me, but I'm willing to ignore that minor inconsistency and throw my support behind the man of the people.

Take RetardedmediabeatupGate, National supporters who think speeding on a South Island highway is a capital offence tied themselves up in knots claiming Brash's credibility was intact, on the other side Labour supporters demonstrated 'a more tolerant New Zealand' does not stretch to religions whose members are percieved to be a homogenous group of National supporters.

And yet Winston Peters was the only one to raise the question the non-hysterical among us wanted answered - Why the hell would you take the time in a busy schedule to encourage support from people who don't even vote?
The man of the people still has a few rounds left in him.

And quite frankly, why the fuck are these "family values" organisations lining up to support National?
I would never describe the National Party as a beacon of "traditional family values", it (like Labour) is a party populated by drunks, serial adulterers, sodomites and womanisers. Don Brash voted for prostitution law reform and voted for the civil union bill before voting against it.
I guess "taxcuts" is what Jesus would do.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Polland

Within the space of a few days, two supposedly reputable polls are showing radically different results.
Apparently it's because of a "volatile" electorate. I could be thinking a little outside the bubble here, but maybe the problem isn't "volatile" voters but the polls themselves. A popular technique among pollsters currently is to press undecideds into stating a preference and then counting it as firm support. Accompanying questions about "racist" policies or "talking down to people" could also taint the results.

In fact I would say that our own "Meaningless and Arbitrary Seat Predictor" does a better job of reflecting the changes in the public mood than any of the "scientific" polls, despite the fact our numbers are completely made up.
Maybe in light of these polls NZ's news organisations will stop wasting so much time and effort over-analysing polls and focus more on covering actual issues...
Fat Chance

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

They're Back


After a week and a day's holiday, The Daily Show is back with one of the best shows of the year.
Jon Stewart in fine form - Hurricane Katrina is Bush's Monica Lewinsky, except for one difference - "tens of thousands of people weren't stranded in Monica Lewinsky's vagina".

Release the Hounds!

I enjoy vandalising election hoardings as much as the next guy, but isn't issuing a press release about it a little over the top?
I always thought Don Brash was more Smithers than Burns anyway.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

What's wrong with Huntly?

You sick fucks
I hope whoever did this rots in hell.